tough times

I know things havent really been said much here, but believe me lots has been thought about. Hubby has had so many people round to see him whether is been his brain people  the consultants or the the physio people, all which has been stressful. This week we had a docter from the medical services visit us to see if we are genuine in our claim to incapacity benefit.  Stressed out or what. We both tried to go to the office to have this assessment but after struggling to get into the building and of course the emence pressure he felt to even go in the first place, we got asked at the reception are you possible to go down the stairs unaided, i mean we both laughed and said does it look like he can, after being squeezed into the smallest of lifts because he has to use a wheelchair to move around do you really think i would of done that if you really think that i can use the stairs....... After saying this we got told sorry but because you cannot go down the stairs unaided im afraid you will have to go home again as we are unable to do your interview, Argh i meanwhy didnt they tell us on the phone when we asked them if they have wheelchair access....?????
Anyway after that you can get some idea why hubby wasnt really looking forward to it.

I hour later interview done, hubbys social worker was here too but that didnt help settle his nerves. I can just see the stress in his face, poor thing he becomes so anxious. After all is done he sits there and just goes through everything in his mind again, stiring everything upto a mush in his brain. I try to say not to worry but i know it wont stop him thinking about it all. I just wish that i could take all of his troubles away...
The one thing that i worry about is that at the moment he has 2 problems, 1 being his leg and 2 his mental health and as always with these tests is that its most problem a docter that has no idea about how mental health really affects a person and how can they judge you all in 1 hour. You know people can be so blind to things that they can not see, broken leg fine will wait until thats healed. Well with mental health sometimes you know you cant heal it, like hubby its always going to be there. Yes sometimes its worst than others but its always there, struggling every day. I sometimes look at other people and they seem to have no worries, no pain, no restrictions, they seem to have everything just fall in thier laps. I would just like one day for hubby not to worry, not to get upset and be concerned about his every movement worrying about whether his decisions are right or wrong.
The professionals keep saying 'normal' what is normal, everyone has their own perspective of what is normal so we shouldnt really judge ourselves.
You know especially at this time of year when everyone meets up with their friends i do feel for him as like many of you might know that suffer, you lose alot of orignal friends as people just dont what to do, prehaps they are scared, not sure what to do or they dont want to be involved in some elses big problems. Its a shame as you dont change as a person, yes he might be a little quiet at times or be abit snappy due to his anxeity but if people just stop and try to understand what is happening to him then there is no surprise. I just wish people wouldnt judge without the understanding. If you are a true friend it really wouldnt bother you, you would take every day as it comes.
Anyway im going to stop now and take some time out, thankyou for reading.
The Mrs x